Haircut
by AlchemyRepose
Summary: The crew wakes up to Sanji's distress as he discovers that he's received a free haircut overnight. LuffyXNami and SanjixZoro hints.


The sun rose over the ocean, lightning up the deck of The Going Merry. Nami sat up in bed, yawning and stretching her arms above her head. That night, she'd gotten a better night's rest than she had in months. Robin was sitting by the window, reading in the pale morning light.

"Good morning, Robin." She glanced up, still keeping the look of being lost in the pages of a book. As Nami crawled out of bed, Robin came back to her senses.

"Good morning, Nami." Robin said pleasantly.

Out on the deck, Luffy and Usopp had awoken and appeared in the early morning sunlight. Luffy was in his special seat, wearing absolutely nothing.

"Oi, Luffy, you should probably put on some clothes before Nami comes out." Said Usopp, standing on the deck behind him.

"I don't care." Said Luffy, standing and placing his hands on his hips, facing the sun.

"It's a nice day today." Usopp sighed.

"I think Nami will care more than you will."

"Why? She's seen me like this plenty of times before."

"J-Just put some clothes on!" Usopp blushed angrily, flustered. Luffy hopped down and went below deck to get dressed. He came back up wearing his normal clothes, and looked up at the crow's nest.

"Oi, Zoro. Are you awake?" Zoro peered down from the basket, and then climbed down. He stretched the sleep from his muscles in the warm sunlight. Chopper shuffled out from below deck, still half-asleep.

The door to the kitchen burst open, and Sanji dashed out. His bangs had been unevenly sheared off.

"Who cut my hair?" He yelled, furious.

"Woah, Sanji, your eyebrows go in the same direction." Remarked Luffy. Sanji jumped down and grabbed Zoro by the front of his shirt.

"Was it you?"

"What?! Why the hell would I do something stupid like that?"

"Stupid marimo-" Sanji let go of Zoro and turned on Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper.

"Stupid ero-cook," mumbled Zoro under his breath.

"What about you three? Did you cut my hair?" Chopper, suddenly awake, darted behind Usopp's legs.

"W-What happened, Sanji?" He squeaked.

"Someone cut my hair! See?" He pointed at his bangs. Nami and Robin came out of their room, looking concerned. Sanji turned, his anger turning to despair.

"Nami-swan! Robin-chan! Don't look at me, I look terrible!" Sanji turned away, hiding one side of his face.

"Sanji? What is it?"

"Someone cut his hair last night." Said Chopper.

"Really? What happened, Sanji?" Sanji turned partially towards the girls, still holding his hand to his face.

"I fell asleep at the table last night. When I woke up to make breakfast, my hair had been cut!"

"That's what you get, stupid curly-eyebrows." Grumbled Zoro.

"Why you-"

"Wait, Sanji. What was everyone doing last night?" Asked Nami, looking at the boys. "Me and Robin went to bed early-" Sanji whirled around.

"I'd never this you two ladies did it-!" Nami ignored him and glared at Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper. "But what were you guys doing?"

"I fell asleep on the deck." Said Luffy, frowning. "At some point I woke up cuz' it was cold and went below deck."

"S-Same!" Stuttered Usopp.

"Me too!" Said Chopper.

"Luffy, I know you can't lie. Usopp, Chopper..." Nami glowered at them threateningly. "Do you have something to tell me?"

"N-No!" Both boys squeaked in unison.

"I was up in the crows' nest." Said Zoro.

"Asleep, were you?" Asked Nami. Zoro scowled and didn't answer.

"So... if it was none of us, who did it?"

Luffy put his hand on his chin, thinking.

"Hm..." He frowned, his face turning slightly red. "Hmmm..." His scowl deepened, and his face became more red. "Hmmm..!"

"Luffy?" Usopp raised an eyebrow.

"I can't think of anything." Said Luffy neutrally.

"After all that?!" Howled Usopp.

Usopp quickly pulled an old-fashioned pipe out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth.

"The great Captain Usopp is on the case, with his manly assistant, Tony Tony Chopper!" Chopper quickly changed to his humanoid form and flexed, yelling.

"We have to find out who did it," said Nami. "It had to have been someone in the crew."

"I bet it was Zoro!" Cried Chopper.

"Hey! Why would I do something like that?" Snarled Zoro.

"All this thinking is making me hungry! Sanji! Food!" Yelled Luffy. Sanji sighed, moving from his position of leaning his face against the main mast, and slouched upstairs to make breakfast.

Sanji was not to be found during or after breakfast. Usopp and Chopper snooped around the kitchen, trying to find clues as to who had cut Sanji's hair.

"Here are the scissors that were used." Said Chopper, pointing to a pair of scissors sitting on the table.

"It was done pretty quickly. They didn't sweep afterwards." Mused Usopp, puffing on the pipe, causing bubbles to drift around. He picked up the scissors and examined them closely.

"Oh!"

"Did you see something, Captain?"

"Couldn't we check this for fingerprints?" Usopp set the scissors down on the table and reached into his yellow bag. He pulled out a small jar of black dust and a brush, and promptly dumped a portion of the dust onto the scissors.

"No prints! They used gloves!" Announced Usopp after carefully brushing away the dust.

"But Usopp, wouldn't you have left finger prints?"

"Rubber gloves, see?" Usopp proudly held up a pair.

"Don't you have to be wearing them?"

"AAAH! I forgot to put them on!"

Below deck, Nami and Robin found Sanji hiding in a dark corner. Robin was holding a lantern, and he shied away from the light.

"Oh come on, Sanji," Said Nami, placing her hands on her hips. "You're not the Phantom of the Opera."

"What?"

"He was horribly disfigured. He wore a mask to hide it. He also kidnapped a woman and murdered someone." Said Robin. Sanji frowned.

"We could get you a mask," Suggested Nami. "For until your hair grows out."

"A noose, too." Added Robin.

"You'd really do that for me? Ah! I love you! Nami-swan, Robin-chan!" Sanji made to hug them both, but the girls dodged, leaving Sanji to land face-first on the floor, where he lay, smiling like an idiot.

Around midday, they came in sight of a small island, and stopped to get supplies. Sanji made Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy go with the girls to protect him, leaving him alone with Zoro.

Sanji stood in the kitchen, baking a cake as a surprise for when Robin and Nami returned. Zoro stood behind him, watching.

"You're not getting any of this, dumb marimo." Snapped Sanji.

"I don't want that. There's something else I've got my eye on." Zoro smirked as Sanji glowered at him. "Your hair is sticking up." Sanji splashed Zoro with the cup of water he was holding. Zoro lunged forward, roughly grabbing the collar of Sanji's shirt. "Just do that again," He growled threateningly. Without saying a word, Sanji dumped the rest of the water on Zoro's head. The swordsman tried to kiss him, and Sanji pushed him away. Zoro left, grumbling.

Sanji presented the cake to Nami and Robin as they returned.

"Oh! Thank you very much, Sanji." Nami smiled and set down the various bags she held. Sanji offered both women a slice, and let the boys serve themselves.

"This is very good, Sanji." Said Robin as she took a bite. Sanji smiled, pleased.

"It's good! Sanji, more!" Demanded Luffy.

"That's all there is!" Snapped Sanji, smacking Luffy lightly. Luffy completely ignored him, devouring the last of his cake.

"Oh, Sanji. We got you a mask." Robin reached into one of the bags and held out a plain white opera mask. He took and put it on.

"It doesn't completely cover your eyebrows..."

"Thank you, Robin-chan!" Sanji said emotionally. Robin smiled, and then looked at him thoughtfully.

"Try singing a little, Sanji."

"Singing? What should I sing?"

"Something from The Phantom of The Opera, maybe. Do you know anything?" Sanji frowned.

"No, I don't."

"Here, try singing this: Sing once again with me, our strange duet."

"You've got such a lovely voice, Robin~!" Sanji echoed her sweet voice, but his was far from sweet. It was bad enough to cause Zoro to look up from his nap.

"Is there a dying animal that needs to be put down?" He asked, hefting one of his katana.

"That was me, you shitty swordsman!" Sanji kicked him, and the two began to quarrel.

"Who would've thought Sanji was so bad at singing?" Mused Robin. Usopp and Chopper came out of the kitchen, Usopp puffing on the pipe.

"Robin, you don't think it's possible for someone else to have cut Sanji's hair? Some kind of prankster?"

"I suppose it's a possibility. But how would they navigate in the dark?"

"I bet you they wanted us to think it was one of our nakama!" Exclaimed Usopp. "They probably used a Devil's Fruit power to navigate, and sneak aboard from a smaller ship. And they didn't want to risk waking all of us up, so they just cut Sanji's hair!"

"Usopp's so smart!" Said Chopper.

"Maybe it was an old lady who really wanted to cut hair!" Interrupted Luffy. "She rowed over and cut Sanji's hair to add it to her collection! But when she saw his eyebrows, she got scared and ran away!"

"Hey!" Sanji glared at Luffy, who ignored him.

"What if her Devil's Fruit power was to control hair?" Said Chopper.

"Woah, amazing! I want to meet this old lady!" Yelled Luffy. Robin sat smiling, listening to the boys' conversation, and watched the sun set over the water.

Robin sat by a candle, reading, as Nami prepared for bed.

"He'll be alright." She remarked.

"We could've done a better job, though..."

"They might've guessed it was us if we had." Nami crawled into bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Do you think we should pull another prank on them?"

"No, I think one prank is enough for now." Robin stood, and blew out the candle.


End file.
